


Bad At Love

by K_booklover98



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Harry Potter, Bittersweet Ending, F/M, First Kiss, First Love, M/M, Not so happy ending, POV First Person, Past Relationship(s), Song Lyrics, Songfic, Underage Drinking, break ups, song: Bad At Love (Halsey)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 06:18:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11983908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K_booklover98/pseuds/K_booklover98
Summary: Harry reflects over his past relationships.





	Bad At Love

**Author's Note:**

> I freaking love this song, and my first time listening to it, all I could think of was Harry and all of his  
> "past" relationships (the ones I consider anyways), and initially I thought I'd just make an edit, but then I remembered I can't make edits to save my life, and thus, this one shot was born!
> 
> This is something different from what I usually write, but I liked the outcome, so hopefully it's not too bad. Also, I ship Harry with a lot of people (oops). Side note, forgive me, I wrote this in parts and then put the whole story together, so the timeline is a bit wonky, and the story doesn't always perfectly match the lyrics, but just go with it. This was quickly edited and posted, so forgive any mistakes.
> 
> Seriously though, if you haven't heard this song, go listen to it!
> 
> Lastly, this is in first person, something I typically stay away from, so hopefully it's not too bad.

_I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe  
That we're meant to be..._

_Look, I don't mean to frustrate, but I  
Always make the same mistakes, 'cause_

_I’m bad at love_

_~ Halsey_

_~_

_Got a boy back home in Michigan  
And it tastes like Jack when I'm kissing him…_

 

I don’t remember when or how it happened, and I try not to think too hard about it. Over the summer, and again, which summer I can’t recall, I started seeing this boy. He was a part of Dudley’s gang, which is how I knew him, although at the time of us being together, I hadn’t known until later on when I saw him hanging out in his group.

Anyways, he’d steal his parents liquor and we’d sit in the park around the corner from where I lived, taking swigs and talking about stupid stuff, occasionally making out or doing whatever else stupid teenagers do at that time.

It wasn’t anything serious, and it only lasted for two summers, and for the life of me, I can’t even remember his name now, let alone what the guy looked like. And while I don’t have any regrets from that whole experience, I do sometimes wish I could erase those memories. He’d been the first guy I’d been with, and all we did was drink, make out, and sometimes prank call his other buddies from school. But, still, it’s gotten me to where I am now, so it’s gotta account for something.

I don’t remember how that whole thing ended either. I think I made a remark about one of his friends that he wasn’t too happy about, then spilt his drink on me, and proceeded to get up and leave. We never hung out again after that, but I think it was for the best.

 

_So I told him that I never really liked his friends  
Now he's gone and he's calling me a bitch again_

_~_

_There's a guy that lives in a garden state  
And he told me that we make it 'til we graduate…_

 

For a short time, I had a _very_ small crush on Neville. I was just starting to question my sexuality, and Neville seemed on board with whatever at the time. I’m not sure how we ended up dating, we never told anyone, but it was kind of obvious by all of the awkward hand holding and side glances. Honestly, it was like we were both back in primary school, I mean I don’t think we ever kissed, that should have been a sign right there.

Anyways, in the back of our minds, we knew this thing was never going to work, which is probably why it lasted so long. We were both too smart to know where this was going (nowhere), yet too naive to say anything about it. I can remember one night talking about how one day we both wanted to eventually get married (not necessarily with one another), raise a kid or two, and just live a normal life.

And I remember thinking right then and there that _that_ was why we would never work. I had a war to fight. Voldemort was on the loose, I couldn’t sit around and imagine life with a white picket fence, two kids, a spouse, and a dog. There was no way I could give that sort of thing to Neville. He deserved _so_ much more. I think I broke up with him the very next day, but it was all for the best.

He dated both Ginny and Luna respectively for a little bit, but now he’s married to Hannah Abbout, and it makes me happy to know that he found everything he deserved and more.

 

_So I told him the music would be worth the wait  
But he wants me in the kitchen with a dinner plate_

_~_

_Got a girl with California eyes  
And I thought that she could really be the one this time…_

 

I couldn’t tell you when I realized I had feelings for Cho, I just always did. And I know what you may be thinking, Cho, Cedric, Viktor (I will _never_ admit to this), Draco, Ginny (any of the Weasley's actually. Okay, not Percy, but everyone else is fair game), I must have a thing for Seekers. Personally, I find it to just be a coincidence. Anyways, I’ve always had this huge crush on her, and when we finally started… _dating?_ We only went on one date, and she was never really my girlfriend, but nonetheless, when we started _seeing_ each other, (much better terminology), I was ecstatic! And that first kiss? _My_ first kiss, it was….well, it was terrible, but at the time it had been something close to magical.

I really thought we could have had something, if not for the long term, then definitely something that could have lasted a while. But, looking back now, I don’t think it was ever meant to be. She was already in love with someone else, and there was no way I could have competed with that. Our first date crashed and burned, and from that moment on, a fantasy that I had always had of being with Cho just sort of turned into a faded memory.

I rarely think about her at all these days, but sometimes I wonder how she’s doing. If she ever “found the one” again.

 

_But I never got the chance to make her mine  
Because she fell in love with little thin white lines_

_~_

_London girl with an attitude  
We never told no one but we look so cute…_

 

Me and Draco had an on and off thing during sixth year, but it wasn’t anything special. I had a Dark Lord to defeat and he had a reputation to uphold. Mostly we just fucked in the Prefects bathroom, but there was no denying we had some feelings towards each other. When the end of the year approached, we both just ended things and that was that.

When eighth year started up again, so did we. Stolen kisses in between classes, fucking in empty classrooms, typical enemies-with-benefits type things. But just like sixth year had come to an end, so did eighth year. Now I’m a auror, constantly working, and I think Draco is a healer now? He’s definitely married, I think to Astoria? One of those Greengrasses.

I wouldn’t know, but I was surprisingly invited to their baby shower.

 

_Both got way better things to do  
But I always think about it when I'm riding through_

 

~

 

For a long while, I had a crush on Ginny. It was one of those crushes where someone likes you, and you don’t necessarily like them back, but because they like you, you feel almost obligated to like them back. Anyways, we dated for a short period of time, (longer than me and Cho lasted, so I’m calling it a success), and during this time, we had made a promise to each other.

 

_I know that you're afraid_

 

Looking back on it now, it was more sort of a friendship promise. You know, like in the movies when the two best friends promise that they’ll always be together no matter what, but then they both ended up going to college and separating anyways? It was kind of like that. We promised each other that no matter what, we would stick together, no matter the war or anything else that may get in our way. We were going to make this work, and we weren’t going to give up.

 

_I'm gonna walk away_

 

We broke up a year later, but she’s with Luna now, and I consider her to be a close friend, but more so, the sister I never had. We both look back and laugh, knowing that in this case, we really were just better off friends.

 

_Each time the feeling fades_

 

Every now and then, almost with Ginny as much as with Draco, I wonder _what could have been?_ And each time I get this feeling of….not really regret, but just of _longing_. What if I had held on? What if I had said something? Told them how I really felt? Would it have made a difference? Would I still be where I am now? Would I have been happy? Would _they_ have been happy?

I don’t know.

I’ll never know.

But maybe one day, it’ll all make perfect sense.

~

_I'm bad at love  
But you can't blame me for tryin'_

__

_You know I'd be lyin' sayin'  
You were the one_

__

__

_That could finally fix me_  
_Lookin' at my history_  
_I'm bad at love_  
_Oh, you know, you know, you know_  
_I'm bad at love_

~

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos make me so happy! And if you didn't like it, then tell me, I want to hear your thoughts, positive or otherwise.
> 
> Also, I'm so sorry for not posting anything!! I swear I have been writing, It's just that most of the things I have written I haven't felt worthy enough of sharing, so maybe I'll go edit a bunch of documents and upload them.
> 
> Anyways, I'm around, and currently working on an idea I've had swimming in my brain forever now. It's about 6k words, which is more than I've ever written, and it's not even half way done yet, so hopefully I'll post that soon. Other than that "It's Just a Muggle Thing" is on _slight_ hiatus, but like I said, I've got a bunch of stuff written, I just need to go edit them and then go from there!
> 
> Alright, that's all I've got. Thanks for reading!


End file.
